Victims of Victory

Victims of Victory
I felt like sharing something a little more creative for Veteran's Day today and came up with the following. Hope it's not offensive or anything. My dad was a vet.

Victims of Victory

(High-end piano.) Tonight, a Veteran's Day special: these heartbreaking accounts from veterans of some of the most one-sided wars in history will prove to you that, in war, there truly are no winners.

F.W. Private (First Gulf War): War is hell. Don't let no one tell you otherwise. Why, I was just about to get sent out for another drill in the hot sun when I got the terrible news. My aunt finally passed away from cancer after a five-year-long battle...

N.N. Gunnery Officer (Falklands War): We was just pullin' into the 'arbour when one of those bloomin' Exocets came down on us. It landed right bang onto our tea ship. The water all around us turned brown and men were jumping into the sea to try to salvage a sip. It was 'orrible. Two o' me mates went mad from seawater poisoning...

And featuring some never before seen footage of the Mexican War's longest living veteran, courtesy of the Edison motion picture camera:

(Extremely aged film.) White haired U.S. veteran: Well now, you can say all you like about how one-sided that war was, but I came away from it with a scar. I was just minding' my own business, walking by the P.O.W. pit, when one of the prisoners yelled up at me and called me a gringo! The racist! I tell ya, a man's Twinkie just don't taste the same anymore after he's been slurred like that...

Everyone tune in to our Veteran's Day special Victims of Victory tonight, and let us kick the shit out of our broadcasting competitors.
  
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© 2021. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

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