The New News 2

The New News 2
Live from Vancouver...

Topping off tonight's stories, the Department of Taxation proposes a tidy solution to their year-long backlog. They advise all refund claimants across the country to call the Department's one toll-free line and wait to speak to an agent. By the time the next agent becomes available, the backlog should be over.

The Chairman of the local chapter of Hydrophobics Anonymous has applied for overseas funding. Asked why, he said they get more respect from people who live faraway.

To the war, now, where an enemy poll has given their leader an impressive 88 percent approval rating. The figure is based on the 100 percent feedback of ten telephone respondents, with over four thousand others rejecting the call out of sheer panic, and one (minus 10 percent) mysteriously disappearing afterwards - along with her cat (minus 2 percent).

In business, some sharp advice from a top analyst on how to get through the impending energy crisis: make sure you have lots of money to burn. Also, YouTube's new AdSense content restrictions come into effect today. AdSense says it makes no sense to pay people to stir up hate and violence on YouTube - just let them do it for free.

And, in the final frontier, once again our planet came within a celestial hair of colliding with a medium sized asteroid that originated in a dark, uncharted area, taking astronomers completely by surprise. Asked why they didn't bring it to public attention immediately, they said that they wanted to try praying first.
  
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